well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
