ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
