hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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