I'm so fucking centered right now
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm at about main and main street
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
