i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
