You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize