I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
