Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
