Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
