I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
