We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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