I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
