well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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