You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm both gender and math confused
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
