Your mouth is God's brothel.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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