I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
