I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
