dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
