took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
what the fuck happened to the tacos
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
