so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
