sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
