You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
