Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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