he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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