my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
