last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I think i got beer on your cat.
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