Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
