Me too!
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
