i'm signing you up for texting rehab
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Betty ford says i'm here all night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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