I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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