I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
