I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
