I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
