dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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