Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
