I swear god or herbie drove my car home
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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