allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
