you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
