just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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