I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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