i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
