I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
