Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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