Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
