i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
