Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
