she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
