If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
