theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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