I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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