I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
