i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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