Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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