If i come over, it means nothing
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
