if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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