Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
