So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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