I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
