I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
