I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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