Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.