While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.