Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar