Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.