Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.

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  (703): Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally. http://tfl.nu/lv6m
  Replies (17) Good night (693) Bad night (1387)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"

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  (214): i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat" http://tfl.nu/yhqk
  Replies (30) Good night (4956) Bad night (972)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.

  (906): View more from Michigan

  so you're not coming in to work today?

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  (231): I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops. (906): so you're not coming in to work today? http://tfl.nu/mm6u
  Replies (13) Good night (1407) Bad night (4073)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Thanks for getting me home last night.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.

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  (281): Thanks for getting me home last night. (832): No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa. http://tfl.nu/wftp
  Replies (29) Good night (9164) Bad night (1156)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.

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  (519): due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron. http://tfl.nu/58sn
  Replies (21) Good night (9146) Bad night (1259)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  There is too much vodka and too much dick.

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  (860): There is too much vodka and too much dick. http://tfl.nu/9jud
  Replies (25) Good night (3661) Bad night (1756)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.

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  (608): Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap. http://tfl.nu/9p7s
  Replies (8) Good night (3934) Bad night (920)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?

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  (815): How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back? http://tfl.nu/7gwj
  Replies (5) Good night (1452) Bad night (769)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.

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  (520): There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this. http://tfl.nu/ttw7
  Replies (3) Good night (1504) Bad night (844)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.

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  (219): The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up. http://tfl.nu/gycw
  Replies (4) Good night (1229) Bad night (885)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.

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  (303): Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night. http://tfl.nu/mrb2
  Replies (5) Good night (1663) Bad night (577)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?

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  (919): But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night? http://tfl.nu/eqjw
  Replies (8) Good night (1234) Bad night (450)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.

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  (314): You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex. http://tfl.nu/sc6l
  Replies (4) Good night (708) Bad night (258)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.

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  (316): Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember. http://tfl.nu/lmps
  Replies (0) Good night (432) Bad night (315)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them

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  (734): I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them http://tfl.nu/fus3
  Replies (1) Good night (222) Bad night (131)

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