Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?

(1-815): View more from Illinois

You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.

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(812): View more from Indiana

If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.

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(310): View more from California

Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know where my bra went.

(1-303): View more from Colorado

Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(416): View more from Toronto

I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.

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(818): View more from California

Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.

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(626): View more from California

It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".

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