All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
