she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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